|I'm aware the one this is adressed to can read it... possably...
||[Feb. 16th, 2004|08:11 pm]
The things you've left unsaid
Ugh, I can't seem to say it myself.
But I need to sit down with him, and work something out to solve the fighting. It doesn't happen often but when it does tempers flare and it's a stand off. Things are ignored, or someone forcibly tries to change the subject and things are left hurt. None of the fights have been ended on both ends. When no solution seems in sight someone tries to say 'just drop it' or 'end it now' and really all that happens are it gets bottled. And with bottling the smallest skirmish suddenly blows up and in the worst case we broke up. The pressure is rising and on my end I know anything seems like a jab. I'm on edge and nothing right now helps. I'm to the point the I love you is forced, and the thing is I doe love him but… when I have to force myself to say how I feel something is wrong.
Something needs to be said, or done or some plan so fights don't end like they have. Where one person walks away happy or the subject is changed and nothing is left solved and it comes back to bite someone in the butt latter in another fight.
Because honestly I don't see how if fights can't be calmly settled or at least wrapped up to leave no ammunition for another fight latter or even hurt feelings or resentful feelings, or all of it kept to minimum because all I can think of is fights and pain and how this wasn't resolved and that and… well with all of it I don't see how I can trust a relationship that something as simple as a small fight can't be resolved in.
I just wish I could say it to him… and not indirectly or not at all like I've been… or I might lose all my love.